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SparklyWarTanks

A Space for Empowerment and Creativity

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Self-Talk

SWT 100 Notes: Note 6

 

 

There are mornings when its easy to wake up, but then there are mornings when waking up is the most difficult struggle ever imagined. A change of mind and heart can help with this struggle. Allow yourself to be grateful and talk positively to yourself and about yourself. Change your own mind, strengthen yourself, and let love in when you wake up everyday. Don’t be consumed by the thoughts of a new day. Move slowly and clear your mind as you open your energy up for a new opportunity to change your life and someone else’s.

You are Seen

The Girl in the Shadow: You’re not unnoticeable or invisible, your not what you teach yourself that you are. People notice you, people love you, people see you. There is so much about you to see and to appreciate and to love. I see you.

Bulletin Board April 2017: Self-Acceptance

Self-Acceptance   

Self-acceptance is not only loving yourself physically, but appreciating and motivating yourself to enter spaces that make you feel comfortable and welcomed.

Self-acceptance is knowing when to say no and when to walk away.

Self-acceptance is to believe in things because they make you empowered and a better version of yourself.

Self-acceptance is educating yourself and becoming well acquainted with things that you love.

 Self-acceptance is allowing yourself to live among people without comparing yourself to them.

Self-acceptance is to self-realize and become comfortable with everything that makes you you.

Self-acceptance is allowing yourself to feel peace and to take breaks.

Self-acceptance is protecting yourself from situations, people, places, and things that harm your mental, physical, spiritual, or emotional well being.

Self-acceptance is knowing that opportunities will open and believing greatness is waiting for you.

Self-acceptance is being informed, aware, knowledgeable, wise, insightful, respectful, mindful, accepting, and humble.

Self-acceptance is practicing self-patience and self-love.

Sef-acceptance is asking and recieving help if you need it.

Self-acceptance is knowing who you are while still living in a sea of diversity and still being able to call yourself an individual who is capable of living and breathing without the approval of others.

So..accept yourself.

 

This is for the Tramslucents 

This is for the people who go unnoticed​ and unappreciated.  For the ones that put in 100% but never get recognized for their labor. This is the translucents the make the world beautiful.  Your light is emanating. Without you nothing will be as prosperous as it is.

FreedomQuote: Proclamation

I am only one. I am important and I will put myself as a priority. This is a proclamation in case I forget to put my health and happiness first.

A Spark of Encouragement

It’s been a difficult few weeks and I find myself getting more and more discouraged so this letter is to me from me with love, affection, power, and strength.

Dear Nina,

Hey girl! I see you struggling and I know you’re starting to doubt yourself again.  I see you starting to not believe in how much you worked and how much you sacrificed to be in the place you’re in now.  I see that you’re starting to feel like you aren’t good enough and that you wasted your time in the classroom.  I see that you feel invisible and unattractive.  I see that you feel trapped, unskilled, and untalented. I see that you feel ashamed that you struggle mentally and you often wonder how it would feel to be “normal” and unafraid of  the strains of every day.   I see that it takes so much work just to be happy that a new day has come because you feel like you should be successful with opportunity, strength, and power.  

But I also see that you gained more strength I’ve ever seen you have before.  That you try your hardest and prove to yourself every day that it’s possible to, despite the struggle, regain consciousness of the reality of hope and positivity.  And even though things have been difficult, you still seem to always persevere, you seem to always push through.  Every obstacle that has come in your way since you were young has never devoured you.  When you were grappling with your mental health in high school and college, you always made it past the panic and the tears.  You always showed up and showed out even when you didn’t want to. When you didn’t have motivation, when you didn’t want to go to the counseling center or psych services you did.  When they took away your financial aid and you almost didn’t go to college things turned around.  When you were called weak and told you were unable to reach the standards of your major in high school, you showed that you were, you were tossed from one choir to another, but you still showed that you were good enough.  When you were on conditional in a program you wanted to be in so bad, you made that conditional a permanent. And all the times you were outcasted and alone, when you were by yourself you always sparkled with power, self-control, and self-respect.  This is not even half of the things you struggle with, but its shows a lot about how much you’ve overcome. 

You are beautiful, worthy, and strong.  Only strength can endure all that you have gone through and still have the courage to want to tell other people that they can do anything despite the world telling them that they can’t because of their gender, beliefs, sexuality, or any other identity marker that makes them who they are.  You are okay and you will continue to be okay.  Just take deep breaths and raise your head.  Your life is not for no reason.  You have a reason to keep trying to do your best.     

From the one that loves you the most, 

Yourself 

So, even though it may seem blurry right now and you don’t want to be positive, try to be kind to yourself.  Always be kind to yourself.  Turn the negative self-talk phrases into encouraging ones.  Make your perception light, even if your circumstance is dark and smudged.  Even when you have all the reasons to be hopeless, let hope blossom instead.

Bulletin Board February 2017: Perseverance and Confidence

Perseverance and Confidenceimg_20170205_002423_945.jpg img_20170212_235841_084.jpg img_20170219_110032_320.jpg img_20170227_231515_192.jpg

February has been a month of inner confidence and perseverance despite self-discouragement, but also a month of continued change and progress.  Perseverance is the one thing that will show your strength in troubled situations and continuous turmoil.  The more you push through and work even when you’re tired and dreary, the more you convince yourself that what you’re doing is worth it, then you will always persevere through it.  Your power is limitless once you continue overcoming everything that’s placed in your way. Normality might get in your way, negativity might get in your way, self-doubt, self-hate, lack of finances, lack of motivation all might get in your way, but overcoming those obstacles will build someone not phased by downfalls, but someone who stands and faces any challenge.

A Personal Confession

These words came with tears so I hope you can sympathize.  This is depth therapy:

Lately I’ve really been hating my body but through the lens of my mind coming out my eyes.  A portal of perspective.  Hear me out.

This is not one of those “pick your head up because things will get better” but a “this is a real life struggle kid so learn from it” pieces so look at this…

Just one picture can twist the notion of a once fooled concept of self-acceptance because you thought you began to love “the skin your in” but the reality of it is…

the concept is once you begin it can never regress but my regression looks so good it resembled progression like walking backwards I wanted to say “I love you” but instead I said…

I thought I got over the feeling that my thighs are not the size of the American dream or the white picket fence or the its not what it seems, but its the rugged and thick concept of oppression and prejudice, the judgemental reality that not all words are the truth or not all smiles signify happiness but covering up the reality because the sacred is watching you, you want to see the day where the light is so bright that all this will soon fade away into an oblivious sense of brainwashing…

I thought I would wake up and it would be one of those dreams where you were running from a symbol of your subconscious fears but its not because the tears were real and so were those people

The ones that said that they want you and would stay, but that was just you talking to yourself because you have to really learn to mean what you say in your head like I will start that today and I will end that tomorrow but you don’t…

Instead you give excuses and let your self-talk ruin your self-image constantly digging the hole you call home 

But this ends today

The body that was once in ruins under the ashes like pompeii will rise and become the volcano that took you from existence.  You are no longer going extinct or becoming a personal museum for onlookers to talk or to taste but you will climb from your ashes into an unknown place.

You will not be scared to be strange or to not fit in because you are the one who is meant to change the existing archetypal skin, the status quo, and the origins.

Today marks a holiday where you declared your independance and come back from war, where you remembered what was and proclaim that your dead exterior will fall and let your new interior reveal itself.

You are not what you were yesterday and tomorrow you will be better than right now. So if you hate your body now, start the process to make that perception change tomorrow.

If you were looking for your purpose in life stop looking because its to be who you are to the people you encounter.  There’s no other purpose but to continuously labor on yourself even if that means sleepless night and uncomfortable situations.  

Life is not meant to work for others, but to work on yourself in the pursuit to become something that will shatter negativity, punch fear in the face and to help others in that same process.

You have work to do so I suggest you take one day at a time to appreciate all that you are because no one will be ready for the power that will be you in the future.

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I Set Free My Quarantined Sanity

My nerves spilled and scattered on the pavement

I couldn’t gather them as I trudged and dragged my exhaustion to class that day

Last October

I carried what I could of last night’s sleep, maybe 3 hours, and the anxiety, a monster growing in the pit of my stomach drowning me till the world seemed like a blurry smudge painting

My last year of college came to me like a ton of bricks delivered to my front doorstep

My life turned into a war since I started to worry

Every

Single

Moment

Of

Every

Single

Day

My perfectionist tendencies paired with the thoughts of deadlines…no motivation…and a fear of tomorrow.  It made a nice soup ready for panic, don’t you think?

I stirred myself daily but still seemed to make it to every class, do every assignment, and manage a research project

That’s how I was last year

I sat in a office with a woman I told myself to maybe once a week hoping that my fear of living will transform into something else 

That’s how I was last year

When I reminisce and think back, I feel how I felt, that numb yet nervous feeling

I can still feel it there, lingering 

Last year, I didn’t want to wake up to the sun rising and I didn’t triumph for completing 3 years of college

Instead…

I dreaded the thought of every day coming, long days turning into long nights, a hungry stomach, and the quarantine I built around my sanity

That was last year

I don’t know how I seemed to make it a whole year later though 

In the midst of the strains and labor pains of reality, I managed to give birth to a project

This project spiraled in me October of 2015 until it was born

I named her SparklyWarTanks

I made her to fight back 

To win the war

To let my sanity free

Every time I wrote something I saved myself and I took another ingredient out of the soup 

I typed, pounded my fingers on my keyboard, to explain the motive for the birth of something new in me

I wanted to save another woman’s life while saving my own too

I wanted to burst out and say:

“Take care of yourself, take care of your mind, and your body!”

“You are important and you matter.”

“You are powerful and worthy, and beautiful.  You don’t need anyone to tell you.”

Of course those were messages I needed someone to tell me, but instead I became the billboard

The more I wrote, the more I felt the walls crumbling, the walls crowding and containing my sanity were falling

I found the key to the cage of my anxiety which surrounded my quarantined sanity

In october of 2016, grown into an adult, SparklyWarTanks evolved into a vision, into a foundation for women empowerment and mental health, one project exploded into a space, a place, a sanctuary to be safe

My anxiety transformed its face into the partner of ideas and the employer of a plan, it turned into passion.
So as I write, I write to the woman who hates herself and to the one with depression, I write to the woman with the eating disorder and to the ones living on the streets, I’m writing to the ones going through a midlife crisis and self-realization, I write to the mother and to the survivor, I write to the women who hurt and the ones who are stressed, I write to the powerful women and the ones making a difference, I write to the lawyers, and doctors, and writers, and motivators, and to our future

I write to support our next generation of women

That we stand up for ourselves and never hold our sanity hostage

That we declare our independence from expectation and perfectionism

That we defend ourselves and fight for our will to wake up peacefully and unafraid

If I could sum up how I’ve changed from last year to this year, I would simply say

I let my sanity free

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