I sat in a small room, where a person sat in front of me and asked me questions about my life.  Assuming they cared, I talked.  I blurted out everything I remembered from my childhood.  This room, these closed walls, were the barriers that separated me from the rest of the world.  The walls were an odd off white color, I slouched on a light blue couch.  I signed papers, the squiggly lines that say “Yes, I allow and I understand.”   I signed my name a million times giving them permission to use my story to help other people.  I sat and I thought, sat and thought until the words I wanted to use came up from my brain and out of my mouth.  I twiddled my fingers, took my mood ring on and off.  Mood ring 3 colors at once.  Blue. Yellow.  Red.  Never really understood how easy it was talking to a stranger.  Someone I didn’t know, just blurting out my story to them. Did they care?  When an hour or so passed, we stopped.  Stopped in a way where there were no exchange of words, no comfort, no anything, no “it will be okay.”

I didn’t feel relief after I left the small room.  They said I will feel better, right?  After sitting in this small room with a ear that listened but didn’t say much, I didn’t know how to feel at first.  I sought help for the anxious feelings I’ve been having.  That’s it.  I Feel like the world is on my shoulders, you know, because its senior year and I don’t know where my life is heading or going.

The small room.  Its kind of like how it is in my head almost.  Where I think I will get comforted, but instead I’m constantly thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

What I did understand in that small room, however, was everything has a source and a reason.  When I say everything, I mean, the way you think about the world, how you handle situations, the ways you think and why you think about them has sources and communicating with others help bring those things out into reality.  Communicating, although it may seem pointless depending on who your communicating with,  allows you to reach and navigate through the sources within yourself.  Don’t be afraid to communicate with someone.  I didn’t want to talk.  I thought I was fine in my own head, but then that lead me to misunderstandings about my actions and feelings.  Why is my self-esteem low?  Why do I talk negative to myself sometimes?  I learned that we, as people, as conscious people, have to let things out.  We have to understand why.

Tip: Go and communicate  It’s okay.

Advertisements